Full disclosure: I work for the 24 Hours of LeMons. Once a month (though twice as often next year) I don a black robe, white wig and a rubber mallet spray-painted brown to look like a gavel. It's all part of the traveling big top nonsense that is $500 car racing. I mention this because I have a huge small financial interest in seeing LeMons succeed. And man oh man is it ever succeeding. For instance, what's the fastest growing motorsport in the world? If you answered anything other than LeMons, you're wrong!
In case you live in a barn, LeMons ran one race in 2006, four races in 2007, six races in 2008, will complete ten races in 2009 and has scheduled a bewildering 23 races all over this fine land of ours for 2010. Meaning that if 2010 goes off as planned (what could go wrong?) more LeMons races will be run next year than in the four previous years combined. Dang. Founder and Chief Perp Jay Lamm was too busy racing his Alf$a Romeo to comment, so instead we grabbed a quote from whomever Jay's right hand man and second in command, some guy Nick Pon: Since most of us didn't have a life already, filling up every waking moment of 2010 with LeMons races wasn't a huge sacrifice [crying]
I hear that, Nick! Interestingly (to some), LeMons will be expanding into some new markets next year, including Phoenix, Dallas, Washington DC, Denver, Omaha, Chicago and Miami. So if the idea of pointlessly running around in circles while sweating yourself to death for the better part of a weekend for the one out of 150 chance to win four hundred pounds of nickels appeals to your inner masochist, come on out and race. Lord knows my depleted 401k could use your money we'd love to have you!
You might have heard of this 24 Hours of LeMons traveling sideshow by now. You know, a bunch of $500 cars dropping mufflers all over the place as they pointlessly race around a track. Cruel weirdos dressed up like judges forcing confused, sweaty drivers to write, "Even though I wrote I will not go four wheels off one hundred times on my car, I still went four wheels off." Or Worse. Oh, and if you win the race you get $1,500 in nickels.
Despite all that, the one thing you might not know about the 24 Hours of LeMons is that it's real racing. Some of it pretty good, too. The cars might look a little off, and the drivers might not know a racing line from a fishing line, but what takes place on track is about as real as wheel to wheel racing gets. Proof? Make the jump and watch the video of a Toyota MR2 straight up battling with a Buick LeSabre for over seven minutes on the famous Nelson Ledges race track during last weekend's The Lamest Day. Good stuff, if you're into that whole cheapo car racing thing. Tip of the budget Pyrotect to Dave for the vid!
Man, talk about an honor. We knew going in how special the first annual Concours d'LeMons would be (just check out the classes). What we didn't know exactly was just how horrible the cars would be. Turns out, pretty dang horrible. This weekend at Cars and Coffee we spotted a fairly awful (and filthy) Volvo 245 wagon parked near a pristine Ferrari 275 GTB and some drool-inducing TR6s. Why? Because it had received some sort of trophy at Concours d'LeMons.
Nothing can prepare you, however, for the wretchedness of the Worst of Show-winning KV Mini 1. It's actually hard to describe how amazingly terrible this hunk of French junk is, but we'll try. First of all, there are 125 cubic-centimeters of fury under the rear hood. That kind of muscle, or lack thereof, is good for a top speed of 43 mph. Second, like a Fuldamobil, putting the KV Mini 1 in reverse is only made possible by spinning the engine backwards. Hey, why not? But the topper here has to be the car's drive stones. Literally, stones. They are fitted atop the rear wheels and yes, traction in the rain is as unimaginably terrible as you're imagining.
We never tire of cars. But we do tire of trailer queens. So before sampling some drop-top British hotness here in Monterey, we headed down to the first annual Concours d'LeMons, for some daily-driven obscurities and eye-sores. Broken up into categories covering everything from "Rust Belt American Junk" to "Der Self-Satisfied Krautwagen," the automotive detritus spanned decades and tastes – Pintos to Pacers, Hudsons to Datsuns – a little sumpin' for everyone. Our favorite? Too many to count, but the Boss Pinto and Radio Flyer (above) are at the top of their list.
The "24 Hours of LeMons" is an event comprised of low-budget $500 race cars, i.e. lemons. The so-called "crap-car enduro" has enticed various members of the Autoblog team over the years into covering, and more recently participating, in the event. When asked to join Team Tinkerbell Rosso for an upcoming race, we knew it was time to take up the cause again and now find ourselves booked for the "Thunderhill Arse-Freeze-Apalooza." The event, scheduled during the last few days of December, promises dreadfully cold weather but plenty of offbeat racing fun. Our six-part weekly series takes you behind the scenes with our new race partners, the Tinkerbell Rosso racing team and their 1996 Crown Victoria "Police Interceptor." Our earlier posts (Part I - The donor vehicle, Part II - The teardown, Part III - The build and Part IV - Panic in the final stretch) introduced you to our car and tracked the build progress as we readied for the race. Last weekend, we raced our beloved Crown Victoria to a top-10 finish!
Imagine this: text-message updates on your favorite LeMons teams that includes their last lap time and overall position. Or real-time telemetry data streaming online. How about pictures and analysis, straight from the track and beamed down through the tubes right into your home? Fantasy? Hardly. When you get hundreds of die-hard DIY types together for a weekend of wheel-to-wheel racing, anything's possible. Unless, of course, the one necessary component – a stable internet connection – is missing from the equation. And so concludes our overall coverage of the 2008 24 Hours of LeMons at Thunderhill. After battling wonky wifi and sketchy EVDO connections, we bailed on the race late last night so we could give you a brief snippet of the action outside of Willows.
The LeMon's season-ender has all the ingredients for another epic crap-can battle royale, including the utterly fantastic ghetto-charged Miata, a Griswold-inspired Pinto, a fiberglass-bodied 240, a flipped Yugo, a superbike-powered Metro, a rod-knocking Escort (that puked all of its oil onto a half-mile stretch of the track) and our Altamont-running RX-7 that returned from the dead. Everything you'd want in a LeMons race was present and accounted for, and in these tumultuous times, it was a breath of fresh (well, diff-oil scented) air to see true gearheads doing what they love in an environment that's part LeMans and part Burning Man. If you ever need a brief respite to reinvigorate your faith in the bond between man and machine, LeMons is where it's at. And the 2009 season is already scheduled. If you can't compete, at least attend. You won't be disappointed, even if "the tubes" could use a thorough snaking.
Our official coverage of the 24 Hours of LeMons Arse-Freeze-Apalooza at Thunderhill has started, but we couldn't wait to show you what could be the absolute coolest bit of low-cost technology that will be showcased at the event: the hillbilly wing. This stunning bit of kit will be vying for the coveted "Most Dangerous Banned F1 Technology" trophy, and we think they're a shoe-in. Actuated by a bowling ball, the hillbilly wing is made from an abandoned ironing board, some electrical conduit and a bit of rope. Genius. Now, how long will it last?
The Faster Farms Chickens' 1966-7 Plymouth Belvedere was made to resemble the car used in the Foster Imposters skits, and they have done a pretty good job emulating their target. When Foster Farms found out about the car, they issued a press release detailing the effort -- something that warms our cockles in our ridiculously litigious society. See the PR and the video after the break.
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With less than 30 minutes of racing complete, the first penalty was dolled out to the #43 BMW 325i after a bit of off-track farming. A spin of the Wheel of Misfortune delivered the Auld Lang Syne penalty, which involves a pair of adult diapers, a sash and commitment to be a better competitor in the New Year. Black flags are flying all around, so expect more tails from the pits to follow throughout the day.
Over 100 racers have taken to the track for the 2008 24 Hours of LeMons at Thunderhill, and the field of competitors is as disturbing as it is vast, with every marque, drivetrain and criminally indecent act of automobiledom represented in spades. The green flag dropped about two minutes ago and we're already at a loss to describe the vast expanse of potential carnage ahead. We're in the process of picking out our favorites, and after meeting up with the esteemed Mr. Lieberman, we learned that a new cheater class (four cars that amassed between 700 and 2,100 penalty laps each) has been established to separate the lightly-veiled racers from the usual assortment of crap can conveyances. Naturally, as we're typing the green flag has gone back to yellow after an off-track excursion at turn five. Let the attrition begin...
Our bags are packed, our women are sufficiently sated (thanks Zales!) and we're enjoying our last few hours of warmth before we head north for the 24 Hours of LeMons Arse-Freeze-Apalooza at Thunderhill. The fiendish Mr. Lieberman and the matronly Ms. Martin descended on Willows earlier today to exact their special blend of justice on the LeMons contenders, and judging by reports from the ground, the season-ender at T-Hill has all the makings of another epic crap-can battle.
Around 70 entrants arrived at the track for tech inspection, including a CBR900-powered Geo Metro and (God help them) a Yugo. According to Murilee, the hellacious weather rocking the Pacific Northwest caused several teams to drop out. One of the crews that decided to brave the storm and head south – the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys and their Peugeot 505 Turbo – ran into a patch of black ice, causing the destruction of both their tow vehicle and trailer. Thankfully, no one was injured and a few of the Monkeys made it down to provide moral support for the masses trying to stave off hypothermia. The race begins tomorrow at 10 AM PST, runs until sundown and then starts back up on Sunday (damn noise restrictions) at 9 AM PST and then concludes in the evening. We'll be providing periodic updates throughout and following our man Michael and his Tinkerbell Rosso 1996 Crown Victoria Police Interceptor. We're 13 hours away from motoring madness, so as always, watch this space.
