Formula One impresario Bernie Ecclestone's Christmas tradition is to send a mischievous card to friends. The past few years he probably hasn't had to work too hard to come up with something -- in fact, it's probably taken more time to figure out which particular F1 shenanigan he wanted to portray. This year, Bernie looked no further than one of his best friends, Max Mosley. Max was embroiled in an ugly sex scandal earlier this year, and Ecclestone's card depicts Max meting out the same justice to F1 team bosses that a room full of prostitutes did for him while Bernie stands by with the band-aids. The other interesting things about the card: Toyota's manager is writhing in agony and while the other team bosses appear to be watching the race, Toro Rosso's Gerhard Berger is watching... legs.
Sarcasm, they say, is the lowest form of wit, but in some situations it's the only thing that will do. Take a poor parking job, for example. We've all been there, we've all seen it, and we've all had the same thoughts. And since anything and everything can be merchandised these days – including our thoughts – it was only a matter of time before someone brought something like this to market. And that someone is Jack Spade, who's offering a set of cards that read "nice parking" -- perfect for sticking under the windshield wiper of particularly offensively-parked vehicles. Of course the white cards, which come in packs of 25 in a black box, leave room to scribble extra words. Like "numb-nuts." Or other words we wouldn't print on a family-friendly website.
Oh well. Those Chrysler "Let's Refuel America" gas cards undoubtedly sounded good to car buyers over the summer when gas was well over four bucks and it seemed like there was no limit to how high the price could go. Offered in lieu of rebates, the gas cards essentially locked drivers into the then-cheap pump price of $2.99/gallon. Now, several months (and countless hysterical media reports) later, the economy is in the tank and so, as it happens, is the price of gas. In what feels like a time warp, $2-per-gallon gas is suddenly not uncommon. That's great news for drivers in general, but less so for drivers holding the $2.99 gas cards, which don't seem like such a hot deal anymore. This is the gamble you take when you agree to a fixed price on a commodity subject to market fluctuations. It's the same issue some people now face with heating oil: over the summer, customers who locked-in a contracted price in fear of astronomical costs this winter are now set to pay through the nose, while others who gambled and decided to just pay market price are at an advantage. The good news for the Chrysler gas card holders: the price is good for a couple more years, so if gas shoots up again, they're back in the game.
What's up with California's lawmakers? First, they pass legislation that makes it illegal to use cell phones while driving, yet texting while behind the wheel is still legal (thankfully rectified earlier this week). Now they get caught with unchecked, taxpayer-reimbursed, unlimited-use gas cards...while driving state-issued vehicles! The "gas cards" are supposed to be used for fuel, but they can also be used for incidental purchases such as snacks or drinks. The lawmakers never see the bills as they are sent directly to the Senate and Assembly rules committees for payment. According to the National Conference of State Legislatures, the golden state of California is unique with this program -- in most other states (not facing $15 billion budget deficits) lawmakers must submit expense forms for gas. Yeah, just like the rest of us do...
The question "Where are my car keys?" hasn't left the building just yet, but is being shown to the door. Why? The arrival of push-button starters and smart cards in an increasing number of automobiles. Now that Nissan and Toyota have added button-starters to their high end Altima and Camry models, well, you know what that means: soon everyone's going to have them.
The tech-ification of starting your car is supposed to have at least two winners: car designers and consumers. Designers can put the starter buttons anywhere and even make them part of the car's appeal, like Jaguar has done on the new XF with a starter button that pulses like a heartbeat when you get in. Consumers will get a key that does more than just turn on the car, like adjust your seat and mirrors, turn on the heat, and treat you to free In-N-Out burgers. Ok, so not really on the In-N-Out thing. That's the next generation.
Losers -- if there really are any -- would be the folks who make keys and cylinders, and the consumers who lose their smart cards. Though key makers will lose some business, there are still plenty of cars around the world without push-button starters. For those who lose their smart cards, the locksmith and AAA won't help you any more: a $250 check to your dealer's parts department, plus labor, will be in order. In the new world, convenience, like almost everything else, will cost a bit more.
